Clarification

What I wrote:

I'm not good with the whole "mompetition" thing.  I don't particularly care that your 16 month old can recite the alphabet, can name and imitate all the animals in the Sahara, and can perform outpatient surgery on your questionable moles.  I nod and tell you how wonderfully advanced he or she is and praise your parenting skills, but in my head I feel sorry for you.  I wish you could enjoy him or her a whole lot more.  While you're droning on and on, I'm enjoying watching my kids eat crayons, lick the leaves of plants, and walk around with rubber balls in their pants.  And I'm darn proud of them for it.

I received an email from one of my best friends yesterday concerned that perhaps I was referring to her in this statement.  Nothing could have been farther from the truth.  I am THRILLED to celebrate your child's accomplishments and love to hear you boast about your beautiful children.  What I am not fond of are those parents whose sole mission in life is to "manufacture" excellence.  Those who are so concerned with directed learning every second of the day that they miss out on the joy that comes with free play.
Specifically, I was referring to a mother and daughter I met at a play group this week.  While Chick and Pea were navigating the toys independently and without direction from me, this mother was directing her daughter in EVERYTHING she did.  The poor child couldn't draw a picture without her mother helping her hold the crayon properly.  The kid was 17 months old.  Talk about missing out on the joy...

Anyway, I just wanted to clarify that point.  Please boast, brag and celebrate your children.  You will certainly hear enough of it from me.

October 15

October 15th is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.

I have written about this day before and when I read those words, I still feel the loneliness of miscarriage and infertility in my bones.  Yes, my life is much different now that Chick and Pea are in it, but the years of loss and of trial will always be a part of me.  I will always be a mother to the babies we've lost and I will forever be an Infertile woman. 

Stuff I'm Thinking About

• I'm not good with the whole "mompetition" thing.  I don't particularly care that your 16 month old can recite the alphabet, can name and imitate all the animals in the Sahara, and can perform outpatient surgery on your questionable moles.  I nod and tell you how wonderfully advanced he or she is and praise your parenting skills, but in my head I feel sorry for you.  I wish you could enjoy him or her a whole lot more.  While you're droning on and on, I'm enjoying watching my kids eat crayons, lick the leaves of plants, and walk around with rubber balls in their pants.  And I'm darn proud of them for it.

• The parents with whom we choose to be friends are awesome.  They are down to earth, know their limits as parents and know that their kids aren't perfect.

• Almost every day, I take the babies to the park where they can expend some energy before their big nap of the day.  I am not a hoverer by any means and like to stand back a little and let them problem solve and negotiate the infant/toddler equipment.  Of course, I'm beside them in a heartbeat if there is a safety issue, but for the most part, I let them figure things out on their own. This makes other parents nervous and they judge me for it.  No, I don't say their names a million times while we are there and I don't warn them to be careful at every turn.  I want them to know that when they hear my voice, it's important.  

• I've been reading (when I can) a book given to me by Tanya called Smart Girls.  I am very cognizant of the way in which J. and I interact with Chick and Pea; the differences, the similarities, the toys we present, the toys they choose, what we value vs. how they perceive what it valuable, etc.  One of my favorite quotes so far from the book is, "If you don't want people to treat your girl like a fragile little flower, don't dress her like one".  Yes, Chick wears dresses (sometimes), wears pink, and sometimes wears bows in her hair, but we encourage her to get dirty when she's playing, to really pursue her adventurous side and to push back when her brother gets a little too bossy.  I keep in mind always that we are raising adults, not babies.

• I just bit my tongue.  It hurts.

• Pea is sleeping more soundly at night and only generally wakes once (usually between 4 - 7).  If he wakes before 6:30, I take him into bed with me and he usually drifts off until 7am.  Chick is still sleeping beautifully.  

• The twins have been on one nap a day for about a month now.  They were never great at two naps and we are all much happier.  

• In two days, they will be 14 months old.  I don't even know.

• I just downloaded G00le Cr0me.  Not sure how I feel about it yet.

• Pea's eye surgery has been set for early in the new year.  Knowing the date is a good thing, but researching Ptsosis Surgery online is not. Why do I do this to myself?  He'll be just fine. 

Favorite Fall Recipe

The good people over at Multiples and More asked readers to divulge their favorite Fall recipes as part of the Question of the Week.  Since diving head first into all things "Slow Cooker" I've discovered many recipes that I love.  This one stands out as my favorite Autumn recipe and is definitely a keeper.

Slow Cooker Pumpkin Spice Latte  

From

A Year of Slow Cooking

2 cups 1% milk  

2 T canned pumpkin 

2 T white sugar 

2 T vanilla

1/2 tsp pumpkin pie spice
OR: 1/4 tsp cinnamon, 1/8 tsp cloves, 1/8 tsp nutmeg, and a teeny tiny pinch of ground ginger 

1/2 cup brewed espresso or 3/4 cup strong brewed coffee
garnish with whipped cream (optional)

Serves two**

Add the coffee/espresso and milk to the slow cooker. Whisk in the pumpkin, spices, sugar, and vanilla.

Cover and cook on high for 2 hours if everything is cold. Whisk again.

Ladle into mugs, and garnish with whipped cream and additional cinnamon.

** I tripled the recipe for a dinner we had on Saturday night and it was great.

I have made many, many recipes from A Year of Slow Cooking and each has been a hit.  Head over and find a recipe you love!

Pumpkin Farm

There is a beautiful Pumpkin Farm run by a colleague of ours just 20 minutes away from our house.  J. and I have enjoyed it almost every year since we moved out this way and have dreamed about the day we would finally bring our children with us.  That day was finally realized yesterday.  We spent nearly two hours petting the animals in the barn, riding on the hay wagon, meandering in the pumpkin patch, getting our faces painted, playing in the kids' area, and choosing special pumpkins for carving.  It was a great day and the weather was amazing.  We took 137 pictures.  We couldn't help it.  Only a portion of them are here.

Pumpkin Farm from Two Kayaks on Vimeo.

Fall Fair

Last Saturday, we were invited to share a day at the Markham Fair with Catherine and Hannah.  We had a great time eating fair food, browsing the displays, eating fair food, strolling through the crowds, eating fair food, playing in the kids area, eating fair food and eating fair food.  Yum!

Pea:  I love this bulldozer!  I'm going to go and see if Hannah and Chick want to help me play with it.

Pea:  Hey guys!  Come over here and we can play with this cool bulldozer.
Hannah:  Oooohhh...metal!
Chick:  I can probably escape through here.

Chick:  Here comes Pea again.  Quick!  Pretend you're filling this bucket with sand.
Hannah:  Ugh...I ate so much Fair Food that my pants unsnapped!  Why did my Mommy put me in SNAPS of ALL days!  STRETCHY pants, Mommy!  STRETCHY pants!

Pea:  Hey guys!  Really!  Look at this cool bulldozer.  It's so fun!
Hannah:  Did he see us?
Chick:  Keep filling!

Pea:  Guys?
Hannah:  I'm just going to slowly walk away and hope he doesn't see me.
Chick:  This bucket needs MORE SAND!

Pea: Okay, well I can see that you're busy, but if you want to play with it I'll just be over here. You know, all by myself.

Oh, the sadness of being a boy amid the girls.
Luckily, Daddy was there to make him feel better:




Fall Fair from Two Kayaks on Vimeo.

The babies had all just had their first taste of the famous Tiny Tom Donuts (I think Pea ate 5 and Chick ate 4).  Needless to say, they were kind of loopy from all the sugar.

A great day!  Thanks, Catherine for the invitation.  More pictures can be seen here.

A Milestone For Us

Last year at this time Pea struggled so much with sleep and I, as a result, spent much of my time rocking him (standing up because he wouldn't let me sit) in his room and in the dark. I would open up his blinds to look outside while I was rocking him and would sometimes see my neighbor (a mom to two young kids) in her kitchen on her computer or in her living room watching TV. Okay, so after writing that, I know it sounds a little creepy, but it really wasn't anything other than a passing glance.
What I remember most is the feeling I had when I saw this.

It wasn't envy or jealousy.   It wasn't confusion or sadness.  It was more like wonder. 

I wondered when/if there would come a time when I could relax in the evenings instead of hustling to boil water, cool it, make six bottles for the night feedings, try to have something to eat for dinner, then rock Pea in his room when he was in the thick of horrible colic. There was no down time for us, no time to watch television, to decompress, and to wind down in preparation for the night and next day.
Recently it occurred to me that we are no longer those harried, sleep deprived parents of two newborns. After the babies went to sleep tonight at 7:00pm, J. and I went through the fall television schedule and set our PVR to record all the shows we've missed and all the ones we would like to start watching. We've both been sitting here on the couch since 7:15pm. Not one of us has moved and it is now 9:45pm. The next move will be up the stairs to bed. I will check on Chick first and will likely see her atop her blanket with her rump in the air (she will sleep soundly until 7:30am when she'll wake up quietly to play in her crib). I will then check on Pea who will likely have spun 180 degrees in his crib and will be clutching his "Blankie" with a white-knuckled grip (he will wake sometime between 4-5am when I will scoop him up and take him into bed with us where he will sleep soundly until 6:30am).

A far cry from where we were at this time last year.

If a new mom is watching us from her baby's window tonight, I would want her to know that these hard days and nights won't last forever.  I would wish that she wouldn't feel lonely at 3:00am looking out at dark houses and quiet streets.  I would tell her not to doubt her ability to soothe her baby and to stop reading all those "helpful" theories about how to get a child to sleep through the night (if it were so easy, there wouldn't be a million books on the subject).

Mostly, though, I would tell her to breathe in deeply the scent of her little one.  As much as those first few months wore us down, I never took for granted the time spent in that dark room with Pea.  The feeling of his warm, rhythmic breath on my neck and his warm body against mine was not lost amid the fatigue and doubt.

It's another feeling I won't ever forget.  And, between you and me, it totally trumps that feeling of wonder I had.