Disney World Day Two - Epcot

Our travel agent friend Catherine planned our vacation for us by making reservations at various restaurants and by making touring plans with me to suit our family's needs and tastes before we left.  For every day we were there, we had a plan of which rides, fast passes and parent swap options we should attempt and in a specific order.  For an organizing junkie like me, this was awesome.  If you go to Disney without a touring plan, you can easily waste a lot of time in the parks and be unable to experience the best activities, rides and shows for the ages of your children.

When we put Pea to bed the night before, we braced ourselves for the morning.  We were right to brace. He woke with a high fever (thankfully, we brought the thermometer with us) and he was extremely uncomfortable.  We weren't sure of the cause, but we gave him more Tylenol and Advil and gave him half an hour to improve.  Within that time, he settled down and started to play with Chick.  J. and I both breathed a BIG sigh of relief.  Happy that the medicine was doing its job, we set to work getting ready for the day.

J. took a walk to the main lobby's restaurant "Boatwright's" to get us coffee in our refillable mugs (as he did every single morning while we were at Disney) while I prepared breakfast in the room for the kids.  I had brought So Good Soy Milk in resealable packs, a variety of cereals in small boxes, cereal bars and oatmeal (we used the in-room coffee-maker to make hot water for the oatmeal) for the kids throughout the week.  I loved being able to give the kids a bite to eat before we left for the parks each day.  Even on the days we had breakfast reservations, I would give the kids a little something to fill their tummies before we headed off on one of the resort shuttles to the parks.

Staying on property meant that we could take advantage of the resort's shuttle system to all of the parks.  Our room in the Magnolia Bend of The Port Orleans Riverside was a mere minute's walk to the shuttle depot and we never had to wait long for a bus to arrive.   The kids thought riding the bus was the greatest thing in the world which helped given that we'd be riding it often throughout the week.

At Epcot, there were NO lines to get in.  We walked right up to the entrance and gained entry quickly (this is the beauty of traveling in January). We picked up our guide map, took out our touring plan and set to walking to our first ride. J. and I were picking up the pace when from the stroller we heard, "Fower, Mama!".  Chick decided to slow us all down so that we could walk over to a bed of beautiful red and white flowers on the side of the walkway.  Instead of rushing past, we took the kids out of the stroller so they could smell the flowers.  This is what it's all about.  There were SO many amazing things to see and experience in Epcot, but the kids were super excited about these simple flowers and, in turn, so were we. 

When the kids were finished exploring the flowers, we began walking again and as we did we saw Mickey, Minnie, Goofy, Donald, and Pluto accepting pictures and giving autographs.  We bought two autograph books and a pen and got in line to see the characters.  We weren't sure how the kids would react to the life size characters, but they got right in there and hugged the dickens out of them.  So much fun!

From there, J. got in line for Soarin' while the kids and I had a snack and played with some ducks in the pond outside the attraction.  Afterward, we hit Nemo & Friends, Turtle Talk with Crush and Imagination With Figment. As we were leaving the park to head back to the hotel for naps, The Jammitors broke out into a fun drumming song, so we stayed a bit to watch them.

After naps, we journeyed back to Epcot where I rode Soarin' while the kids rode Nemo again. If you ever have the chance to be at Epcot, ride Soarin'.  It was the most amazing experience.  Truly. 

We had dressed Chick up in a princess dress loaned to us by Catherine for our dinner at Akershus. While there, many other beautiful princesses came to our table for a bit of a chat, a photo op and for autographs.  While we were not impressed with the food at Akershus, we enjoyed the princesses and their sweetness toward Chick and Pea.

Ariel was smitten with Pea.  After chatting with him for a bit, she left our table to greet other patrons.  About 20 minutes later, during the princess parade, Ariel walked by our table and said, "Hi, Pea" and blew him a kiss.  So sweet.

After the meal, we walked a bit, went on Spaceship Earth and then boarded the bus to go back to the hotel for a swim. By 8pm, the kids were asleep and J. decided to head down to the hot tub to soak and relax for a bit while I downloaded pictures.

Disney World Day One

After packing furiously for our little family of four, it was time to begin our journey toward Orlando to begin our Disney World Vacation. Although we have been on many road trips, this was our first time bringing the children on a plane to another country.
Catherine's parents generously offered their luxurious Honda Odyssey (if I had a dream Minivan, this would be it) to Catherine for the drive to and from the airport. Catherine and Hannah spent the night at her parents' house that night (we live in the same town as her parents) and dropped off the van in the evening so that we could pack it up early in the morning and then drive over to pick them up.  We were on the road to the airport by 7:15am and had a fun drive into Toronto talking about all that we would be doing on our trip.

After the drop off, we checked in without issue and were able to gate check our big double stroller. We were fully expecting to have to check it with our bags, so this was a lovely surprise and it made security that much easier as well. Pea was screened for extra security which meant that he had to have his palm swabbed when we went through the process. No big deal.

We made it through security easily and were at the gate by 9:15.We had just enough time to take the kids and ourselves to the washroom and grab some breakfast for the plane before it was time to board.
The kids were awesome on the plane, but didn't want to wear their earphones while watching TV.  Instead, we read books, played with stickers and walked the aisle. Though we tried desperately to get them to nap, neither one would rest. This meant that Pea would soon become irritable and Chick would soon become silly - their personalities when they're tired.

We found Disney's Magical Express easily and were soon on the bus toward The Port Orleans Riverside.  Pea fell asleep on the way and slept for about an hour and a half in the stroller (which is very unusual even for a tired Pea).

After checking in, we decided to explore the grounds of the resort and stopped to play at a little playground. The kids had a ball and J. and I just smiled thinking about the week ahead and all the fun they would continue to have.

Since we had no formal dinner plans that evening, we decided to take the Riverside's boat into Downtown Disney to do a bit of shopping and eating.

We explored the Disney Story and bought the kids some plush Mickey Mouse characters which entertained them all week.  Then, we decided to have dinner at Wolfgang Puck's Restaurant.  The spaghetti was AWESOME, but Pea wouldn't touch a bite.  We ordered some mac and cheese for him as well, but he wouldn't eat a thing.

He continued to spiral downward into sickness, so we quickly found the boat to our hotel and headed back.  When we got back to the hotel, we fully expected our luggage to have arrived, but it had not.  It was now 8pm and the kids were ready for bed (especially Pea who was really struggling now).  After a call to the luggage area of the hotel, our bags arrived within a few minutes and we were able to get the kids in their PJs, give Pea some Advil and Tylenol and drift off to sleep. We were all hoping to have a good rest in anticipation of our big day at Epcot.

Sicky McSickerton

We should have known not to tempt fate.  About a week ago, J. and I were talking about how lucky we were that we'd never had to deal with the flu with either of the kids.  Neither one of them has ever had an episode of vomiting (aside from when they were newborns).  I even noted that someone had told me to line the way from the child's bed to the bathroom with cheap shower curtain liners in order to prevent any mishaps along the way. 

Sure enough, fate came knocking last night.  We put the kids to bed as per our usual routine and both seemed to be quite happy and normal (as normal as our kids can get).  At 10:00pm, Pea started whining in his bed.  Because Pea sometimes wakes early in his sleep, I let him whine a little, hoping that he would put himself back to sleep. Nope.  The whining escalated to full-fledged crying, so I did what I normally do and headed up to his room to soothe him back to sleep.  I was lying next to him with my arms around him when all of a sudden, he erupted.

From 10pm until 3am our little bugaboo's body couldn't get a break and it was heartbreaking.  He didn't cry, whine or carry on.  He simply used his little bucket when he needed it and then curled his body back against mine when he could.  J. had the job of laundering everything in the middle of the night, while I provided some much needed snuggles (best. job. ever.).

He's still not 100% today, but has eaten two popsicles, a container of yogurt and a piece of dry toast.  As luck would have it, snow started falling late this afternoon and by tonight, big flakes were floating quickly to the ground.  The outdoors has always proven to be the best remedy (or, at least the best change in perspective) when illness strikes. So, we bundled up the kids and headed outdoors to build their first ever snowman.  We were outside for about 40 minutes - just enough time to bring a cute blush to my little boy's pale cheeks. 

Goodbye, My Beautiful Blueberry Bear

In October of 1996, I was volunteering at our local OSPCA as a member of the board of directors.  I couldn't work in the shelter because my heart couldn't take the sadness of the animals and I knew I'd want to take them all home with me.  J. and I were just married a few months at the time and something was missing in our lives.  I had always grown up with pets and knew we needed a little kitty to make our family complete.  Off to the shelter I went, one day, and happened upon two little tabbies huddled side by side in their litter box.  Brother and sister - cats B and C of a litter of three found on the side of a highway.  "A" had already been adopted leaving "B" and "C" left.  When I opened their cage, one immediately scampered under the shelving units and hid, while the other was happy to be picked up and cuddled.  The one who hid was Cheetah and the one who wanted cuddles was Bear.  We adopted them both.  Bear was so sick with a respiratory illness that the staff said we could come and get a new cat if he died. He showed them! He lived for over 15 years.  Cheetah passed away in February of 2007 and Bear passed away this afternoon.  I kissed and cuddled him as he exited this world in the same way I kissed and cuddled him that day in the shelter.  He was always as cuddly.  I loved that little sweetheart and will miss him greatly. He was my first baby and filled my life with joy through many, many difficult years of infertility.  His unconditional love was something I'll never experience again and I'll be forever grateful that I was the lucky recipient of all those years of love and cuddles.

Goodbye, old friend.

Two Year Molars

Chick and Pea will be 28 months old on December 16th and I have been anticipating their two year molars since long before their second birthday.  Pea began teething at around 5 months of age, so I suspected he would get his two year molars early, but that was not the case.  I kept waiting and waiting and wondering what to expect when those difficult teeth finally made their appearance.
Last week was challenging, to put it mildly.  Pea, my typically calm and collected boy, was difficult to please, was whiny, territorial and aggressive.  Very unlike himself. Presuming teething issues, I gave him ibuprofen periodically, but it didn't seem to help that much.
Sure enough, tonight as I was brushing his teeth before bedtime, I rooted around inside his mouth and felt the bud of a new molar.  On this right side, his gums were very swollen.  Poor sweetheart. 
Earlier today, as J. and Chick were at gymnastics, Pea and I played in Toys R Us.  He found a little plush horsey and walked the store with it the entire time we were there.  Since I rarely buy anything new for the kids, I decided to use some gift cards we had to purchase this little horsey for Pea and a little lamb for Chick (she LOVES singing Mary Had a Little Lamb).  It has barely left his side today and, as he drifted off to sleep tonight, he held it close to him still. If only all of his future life's struggles could be appeased with a plush toy.

Worth It

I've heard the statement "It was all worth it" relevant to the almost 10 years we spent trying to have children.  Looking at our life with our children now, of course people might assume that I feel that way.

I don't.

Most of the time, I agree with whomever is stating this to me.  I do so because I don't want to seem ungrateful for the life I lead now, nor do I want to seem bitter about the past.

To be quite honest, life after infertility cannot be so succinctly packaged up into a "it was all worth it" package.  It doesn't work that way; at least not for me.

To say that something was worth it implies some knowledge of the end result. It also implies an exchange.  Something for something. 

A couple of examples:

When a woman in labour is crippled with contractions, she knows (and only with some certainty - I know too many women whose labour ended with their baby dying) that the pain and the work involved to bring that labour to an end will result in new life.  Totally worth it.

When someone trains aggressively and works tirelessly to ready themselves for a marathon, they understand that the hard work, the bruising pain, the drive to get out of bed every single day to train will result in better performance and, eventually, the pride of crossing the finish line.  Being a runner, I can tell someone else that the accomplishment of finishing a run will be worth the pain of training. Worth it, for sure.

Not one soul could tell me, of all of the experts who worked with us (including doctors and adoption practitioners) if everything we did in the ten or so years of struggling would lead to a child. We knew nothing of the end result of all of our attempts.  Infertility bears no knowledge such as this.  And, so, we toiled for 10 years with no exchange and no peek into our future.  Would we remain childless forever?  Would we be successful?  No exchange for the effort.

I'm not sure if this applies to just me or if other infertiles feel this way, but I gauge life by the struggle we faced all those years.  What I mean is that I compare what we endured to the so-called "tough" life circumstances we have faced since.  What I am learning is that nothing has come close to being as difficult as battling infertility.

I write this as a woman who carried twins for over 37 weeks.
I write this as a woman who laboured on the highest doses of Pitocin with nary a break between contractions.
I write this as a woman who pushed two human beings out of her body (in a row) while laying on a flat OR table with my legs in stirrups.
I write this as a woman who had to have a manual extraction of two retained placentas. The pain was almost unbearable.
I write this as a woman who has parented infant to toddler twins.

I would carry twins again in a heartbeat, I would labour again in a heartbeat, I would give birth to twins again in a heartbeat, I would go through the manual extraction again in a heartbeat and I would go through those first three months of parenthood again in a heartbeat.

I would not want to live those years of infertility again.  Ever.

If, at the beginning of it all, someone were to tell us that it would take 10 years, more than $50 000, and all of our fortitude but that the end result would be Chick and Pea - no problem.  But, to go back to not knowing for years and years, spending our life savings, not to mention all the wear and tear on our hopeful hearts - no thank you.

Those facing the black hole of infertility know nothing of the future.  Every single step taken is one of blind faith and shaky hope. And, as the months and years roll on without success, that faith and hope dwindles and changes us.

For me, there is an almost "I told you so" about saying that it was all worth it; an insight into what those years were about for us and how they affected us.  No one is privy to what those years were like.  No one else made the calls to the various professionals begging them to help us.  No one else knew the feeling of being told that our plight was impossible.  No one else sat with me as I read obituaries, with tears streaming down my face, of elderly women who had no children and no family left to care. 

Chick and Pea are the greatest joys I've ever known in my life.  Their presence in our lives has brought immense healing and love.  Of this, there is no doubt.  But, to say that it was all "worth it" begs an understanding that few realize.

Living In The Present

While grocery shopping alone with the twins last week, an older couple approached me while I was holding bouquets of flowers up to the twins noses for them to smell.  We had been in the flower department for some time as I lifted bouquet after bouquet to each child for them to inhale.  Sometimes, the flowers and accents would tickle their noses and giggles would erupt from all of us.  The woman told me that the twins were beautiful and that I was the happiest looking mom she had seen.  I smiled, nodded toward the kids and said that it was easy to be happy with happy kids.

Okay, so they don't look so happy here.  I promise you that they were.  Not sure why they look so forlorn...

When I was pregnant with the twins, I had a difficult time living in the moment.  I was so terrified of miscarriage that enjoying my pregnancy was challenging.  I remember my brother assuring me, one night, that J. and I had had such low lows that we were deserving of the highest of highs.  He said that life is full of peaks and valleys and we had lived so long in the valley that it was time for us to enjoy the peak.  He was so very right.

This is why we live so fully in the moment with Chick and Pea now. Throughout the years we spent trying to conceive and adopt, we lived always for the next blood test, the next injection, the next drive to the clinic, the next transfer, the next failed pregnancy test, the next doctor consult, the next invasive test, and the next month of starting all over again.  We lived so much in the future through those years, but not any longer.

This fairytale we are living is still so new and we continue to be grateful for the two little beings (currently chasing each other around the kitchen/great room) for whom we worked so hard to bring to life.

Living In The Moment Part II Tomorrow...

A Week's Worth

Since really immersing myself in EWG's site, I've discovered how to change our household in order to promote the maximum health of our family.  The site can be daunting, but over the past little while, we've been making small changes that are helping to green up our lives.  Case in point, our electric skillet (coated with teflon) has been traded in for a non toxic cast iron pan.  Isn't she pretty?  I'm in love.

Chick has been suffering this week.  Since she got sick early last month (croup), she has not fully recovered and now has some mystery illness that has baffled doctors.  My gut was telling me we needed to get another opinion from yet another doctor.  Yesterday, we saw a doctor who finally gave us the diagnosis that made the most sense to us.  Treatment has begun and we hope to see our sweet girl back to herself soon.  I hate to see her in so much pain.

Due to the contagious nature of Chick's illness, we are sad to be missing a play date with these girls and a birthday party of another sweet girl tomorrow. 

Pea fell out of his bed the other night (at 3:00am, to be exact). I heard a loud THUD, then crying.  I bolted to his room fully expecting that he fell off the side of the bed where there is a break between the side rails and the headboard only to see him at the foot of the bed.  That boy can travel!  He was back to sleep within 30 seconds of cuddling, but needless to say, we'll be putting some soft pillows at the foot of his bed from now on. 

I was supposed to have a fasting blood test two months ago.  Every night, I try to remind myself not to have breakfast the next morning so that I can get it done.  I have yet to remember not to eat in the morning.

J. and I bought a Gr0upon a long while ago to make some wine from a local winery.  Turns out, the wine isn't so great and we have 30 bottles to consume.  What's a couple to do when summer is approaching and we dislike the wine we have on hand?  Make Sangria!  Yum!

When J. and I were dating a long, long, long time ago (18 years ago, to be exact) he would come to Montreal to visit (where I was going to university) and we would often scope out the best places for Sangria.  One weekend, we borrowed some bikes from a friend, rode them into Old Montreal from the Student Ghetto, then sat on a patio drinking pitcher after pitcher of the best sangria we had ever tasted.  We didn't really have the forethought to realize what the ride home would be like after sitting under the hot summer sun drinking Sangria all afternoon.  Death defying, to say the least. 

I was all, "Please don't kill me, scary Montreal drivers!"

And J. was all, "More Sangria!"

Good times.  Who knew that 18 years later we'd be sitting on our own "patio", sipping homemade tasty sangria, while watching our children running around playing?

Can't beat that.

Teeth

I'm not a fan of teeth at the moment. Sure, they are lovely and filled with the pearly goodness of calcium, but they are buggers too.

Pea has a full mouth of teeth. He's got 'em all except for his two-year molars and has had a mouth full of teeth for a long while. In the very beginning, he was a little fussy when teething, but I don't recall there being a lot of pain.

Chick on the other hand...

As of a few days ago, she had only 9 teeth. I know this because I routinely swipe her gums for any signs of developing buds and there was nothing there on Friday. This morning, she woke up crying (she always wakes up happy and chatty) and had a fever of 102.5F. She was fussy yesterday and I suspected that she was teething, but today was more telltale. Sure enough, a swipe of my finger along her gums revealed her two upper molars had broken through (barely). What a day.

Chick is a fairly...uh...emotional girl to begin with, but that coupled with the pain of molars breaking through her toughened gums made the day difficult for her and for her family. Poor Pea didn't know what to do with her today and no matter how many times he hugged and kissed her, she pushed him away and rejected his efforts. Then, he became sad. It was an all around sad kind of day.

At 5:00pm, J. gave me the two hour count down to bed time.  This is a rare thing in our household.  Many days, we don't get the kids to bed on time because we are happily cuddling on the couch and don't want the day to end.  Today, however, we were happy to see our little Chick in her crib sound asleep.  When she sleeps, she is not in pain.

Stupid teeth.

Let's hope that she is over the worst of it.

Heritage and Memorials

My Gramma's funeral was held in the small town that our ancestors settled back in the 19th century.  In fact, her funeral was held in the church our ancestors built when they arrived here from Ireland.  It was the same church in which she was baptized and married.  Her nephew is now the priest who officiates at the church and performed her service on Saturday.  Quite a special memorial, for sure.

This was the church as it stood in the 1930s.  My Gramma and Grampa's wedding day.

And this is it as it stood on Saturday May 7th, 2011

I made the long trek by myself (my family had all left the night before and J. stayed home with the twins) to this town in Northern Ontario on Saturday to say goodbye to Gramma and to see all the relatives I so seldom get to see.

Not being entirely confident in where I was headed and not able to find the address of the church on my GPS, I left quite early in order to ensure that I found my way and was on time.  I was two hours early.  I parked the car and decided to walk around the church taking pictures.  A small cemetery behind the church holds the grave sites of the family members gone before my Gramma. My Grampa, great grandparents, great-great grandparents, aunts, uncles, infant children who died in their first year of life, etc. all rest here.  To see my last name(s) throughout the cemetery on almost every tombstone was eerily beautiful.  I don't know of any other family who is able to gather in one cemetery as we can and trace the roots of their heritage right back to the year of immigration from Ireland.   So amazing.

Soon, other family members arrived and proceeded to walk through the cemetery as I had.  Gathering at the entrance, we marveled at the history before us.

The service was lovely and the church was completely full with friends and family who came to pay their last respects.  My dad and my uncle were the two people primarily responsible for putting everything together and I know my Gramma would have been tickled pink by the love that went into everything that was done for her funeral and reception.  Of course, there was sadness and it was especially sad to talk with one of her two surviving siblings (Gramma was one of 13) who expressed her sadness with eloquence. Another sad moment came when my Grampa's brother told us he was the only one left of the bridal party (he was best man at my grandparents' wedding).

Life goes on and I hugged Chick and Pea extra tight when I got home.  I know it's natural to think of one's own mortality when someone dies, but knowing that my babies may one day plan and orchestrate my funeral made my heart sad.  I hope for so many things by that day.  I hope they know me, that they have lived long enough to feel as though they got everything they needed from me.  That they can lean on each other as my brother and I do when faced with something like this.  That they have faith in something that helps them deal with loss.  I hope for so much.

Gramma

My Gramma died in the early hours of Friday morning.  Diagnosed with esophageal cancer on December 23rd, she traveled from her home to stay with my parents while she sought treatment and care here.  It was only in the last week of her life that she finally had to be hospitalized and in that week, she was surrounded from morning until nightfall by everyone who loved her.  Each of us held her frail hands in ours, gave her swabs of water, and moved her into more comfortable positions as she needed.  I hope she knew how much we were all fighting for her.

Who she was encompassed so much more than what cancer did to her.  I am so thankful for everything she did for me, for everything she was to our family and for the chance for her to know and love Chick and Pea.

I Should Be Sleeping

It's been a week since I last posted. I have a million things on my mind and no time or energy to post about them.

The twins turned 20 months on Saturday. That's a TWO and a ZERO, people. To quote my best friend, "That's emmereffin crazy!"

The weather here in Southern Ontario was incredibly glorious last week, so we spent an inordinate amount of time enjoying it. The kids are so happy when they can spend so much time outside and happy kids make for happy parents.

We found a new park just down the road. It is literally brand new and not just new to us. It has at least two feet of soft sand (instead of the hard gravel at our nearest park) to cushion falls and the equipment is super-fun and challenging.

I bought some sand toys, some sidewalk chalk, and some little cars and trucks at the dollar store. Each time we traveled to the park, we sprawled out all of the new toys and invited other kids to come play with us. I loved seeing Chick and Pea walk up to the other kids and hand them a toy. It completely melted my heart. Isn't this what parks are for?

Unfortunately, the weather over the weekend was not as friendly and we were back to spending time indoors. April showers? You betcha!

I have learned to trust my Mother's Intuition. Ten minutes after we put the twins to bed on Saturday night, I decided to check on Chick. She usually plays in her crib until she falls asleep and we can hear her doing so on the monitor. On Saturday night, we didn't hear anything. When I went up, she was just lying there with her eyes open. I kissed her and left. I told J. that I thought it was odd that she was just lying there and he thought maybe she was just overtired. Twenty minutes later, I checked on her again and she was still lying there awake. I scooped her up and rocked her for a bit until she fell asleep. She woke up crying shortly after midnight (Chick never cries through the night unless she is sick) and was completely stuffed up and coughed (bark-like) until she conked out just before 5am. A trip to the clinic on Sunday revealed croup. Poor little thing.

The doctor told us to keep Chick outside as much as possible and that the cold air would be good for her. So, when J. and Pea left to run some errands, I took Chick on a 5K walk. It was FREEZING and snowing, so I bundled her from head to toe. We were gone for about an hour (we stopped at a park midway so she could stretch her legs and have a snack) and when we returned home, she was full of energy and ready to play for the first time all day.

I bought all of the fun Easter goodies we are going to give to the twins on Sunday and will assemble it all in their new Easter Baskets. We weren't going to do anything for them this year because they would have no idea otherwise, but something stirred in me that made me want to have them go on a hunt this year. I can't wait!

We are signing up for a CSA (Community Supported Agriculture) Organic Veggie Bin service from a local farm. In addition to lovely fruits, vegetables and herbs, we will collect a dozen eggs per week from pastured hens. The program runs for 20 weeks (from June to October) and I'm excited about buying from local farmers who are humane in their treatment of animals and the Earth.

This and That

• It's been a difficult weekend with Pea's recovery.  The Ptosis surgery was so benign that I think we expected the same sort of easy recovery.  Man, were we wrong.  Poor Pea has had a tough time with pain management, but he was much better today than he has been through the weekend.  We hope we're over the worst of it.

• Pea is a tough, tough little man.  The fact that his whole body shook with pain this weekend almost brought me to my knees.  I don't know how parents of seriously ill children persevere.  I truly don't.

• Chick and Pea have been giving us some interesting lessons in parenting as of late.  As a result, they have been learning some tough toddler lessons.  They have learned that if they throw their forks/spoons, they must eat with their hands.  If they throw their food, their food is taken away.  If they turn their milk cup upside down, they don't get to drink it.  If they throw a toy, the toy is in sight, but out of reach. Some nights, I go to bed feeling like the meanest person on the planet.  They'll thank me for it later, right?

• I read a blog tonight in which the author wrote (and I'm paraphrasing here) that being a stay-at-home mom is mindless.  This person missed "using her brain".  I graduated in the top 2% of my class at McGill University, I've been teaching grades 1,2,6,7,8,11,12 since 1996 and never settle for less than my best in my profession.  Being a stay-at-home-mom?  MUCH HARDER and MUCH MORE intellectually stimulating that I ever dreamed.  If you think being a SAHM is "not using your brain" then you're doing it wrong. 

•  It is beautiful outside today.  At this moment, the sun is shining brightly and it is 5ºC (41ºF).  When the twins wake from their naps, we will get out there and enjoy some fresh air.  

• I am making Vegetarian Lime Orzo tonight for dinner and I can't wait!  It's a new recipe, so I hope it turns out!

Healing

This morning, we had to be on the road bright and early for Pea's surgery in a neighboring city. When we arrived, the nurses directed us to the pediatric waiting room where Pea loved playing with all the fun toys.

Soon, Pea was weighed (12.6kg), had his temperature taken (99.3F - a little on the warm side, but he had been playing pretty hard), and we were directed to put him in the cutest of little hospital gowns.

Right? How cute is that, I ask you?

One of the surgical nurses arrived to take us down to the OR waiting room where we would meet with the anesthetist and the surgeon. At this point, Pea had been without food and drink since the night before (13 hours, to be exact) and was still as sweet and playful as ever. Sweet boy.

Our friend Liz, who happens to be a nurse at this particular hospital, changed her shift today and asked to be in the pediatric recovery bay so that she could be the one to care for Pea when his surgery was complete. A busy mom herself, I'm sure this required an upheaval to her morning routine as a result, but we sure were comforted to know that her loving arms would be holding our Pea when he woke from surgery. I can't even begin to describe the comfort this brought to us. Liz went above and beyond today to make sure that our boy was well looked after and her kindness will forever be appreciated.

I was able to escort Pea into the OR (which isn't routine in this hospital) and was able to talk to him the entire time he was going under. Another comfort for him and for me which was so appreciated.

About an hour later, we were back in the OR waiting room and were able to see our little Pea being wheeled to recovery on a stretcher. It would be another 15 minutes or so before we could go into recovery to hold him. The anesthetist came out from the recovery room while we were talking with the surgeon and said, "There's a problem in recovery". My hand immediately grasped my chest and before I could ask what was wrong, he said, "Your son is so adorable, that all the nurses want to keep him!" Sigh...scared me half to death.

When we did enter the recovery room, Liz was sitting in a rocking chair, cuddling our boy and holding an oxygen mask over Pea's face. Again, it was so comforting to know she was the one taking care of him.

She placed Pea into my arms and we proceeded to ensure that his oxygen was up and that he was waking up somewhat. Liz offered to take a picture of us:

Pea doesn't look too impressed with the whole deal...

Once he was alert enough for Liz's liking, we were transferred to the pediatric floor where Pea could continue waking up and having his vitals monitored by the nurses there.

We had to spend three hours or so in the pediatric room and since we were the only patients there, it got lonely. I played with Pea's hair while he slept soundly on my chest:

Pea then showed us some giggly smiles as he was in la-la land:

J. was so bored that he started taking pictures of this scary clown he found in a basket in the pediatric room.  Since I was holding Pea, I couldn't defend myself or my camera.

In all seriousness, we are all glad that this surgery is behind us and the healing is beginning. J. and I were discussing many things tonight after the twins were asleep. Primarily, the focus of our conversation was about how lucky we are. We have two of the most wonderful children in world. We have families who love us dearly (my mom spent the night here to care for Chick while we were at the hospital with Pea). We have friends who would give us the world if they could.

Additionally, the care we received at the hospital was nothing short of amazing. From our pre-op care to our post op care and Liz's comforting arms cuddling Pea, we were so well taken care of. The sweet volunteers at the hospital kept our minds off of what was happening by chit chatting with us while Pea was in the OR. Our aftercare nurse (Nicole in pediatrics) was so kind and gentle with Pea and also went above and beyond by offering to call Pea's surgeon to request a script for morphine for Pea when she heard we hadn't been given one. She stayed with us in the room and we laughed and chatted about our kids (she has a 13 month old) and she was just so good to us.

We are blessed.

More Surgery

We have been dealing with a health issue (aside from the Ptosis) with Pea for the last few months and after seeking a second opinion to be completely sure, Pea is headed for yet another surgery.  This Friday, Pea will go under general anesthesia again and will have some healing to do afterward.  The healing will take longer than that of the surgery for his eye in January and, I suspect, will be more painful for him to deal with afterward.  Ugh.

While it isn't a serious issue currently, if left untreated we were told that there would be an 80% chance it would develop into a serious issue later.  That's a big number. 

So, if you are so inclined, we would appreciate any positive thoughts and prayers you can send.  This little one has been through so much already and I hate that he has to endure more pain and suffering. However, if it prevents pain and suffering later on, then this is what we must do.  As hard as it is, this is what we must do for him.

Vaccinations and Superheroes

The twins had their very last set of vaccinations (for at least 5 years, anyway) at their wellness check up yesterday. Chick cried for less than 10 seconds and Pea only whimpered a little after the first shot and barely noticed the second. The first was intramuscular and the second was just under the skin. They are troopers, for sure.

19 Month Stats (they will be 19 months old tomorrow):

Pea

Height:  31.5 inches / 80 cm

Height Percentile:  19th (he's just wee)

Weight:  27.8lbs / 12.6kg

Weight Percentile: 71st (solid as a rock, this boy)

Chick:

Height:  31.5 inches / 80 cm

Height Percentile:  36th (teeny girl)

Weight:  25lbs / 11.4kg

Weight Percentile: 57th (she eats everything and anything we give her, but never stops moving)

While Chick fared well through the night (no surprise there) Pea was a different story.  He was up with a fever and a rash and only really fell into a good sleep in the wee hours of the morning.  I think my head hit the pillow for good at 4:00am or so.  Chick was up at 7:00am, though and ready to face the day.  Sigh.

Both are feeling well this morning and were ready for their daily lessons in colours, letters, and numbers.  Superheroes are not super without education.

Sick Sick Super Sick

Last week, I had a sore throat. It progressed to a cutting pain in my neck, coupled with swollen glands. When J. saw that my throat was covered in white patches he promised to buy me chocolate if I went to the clinic suggested I go to the clinic.

The doctor looked into my right ear and said, "Oh God". Then he looked in my mouth and said, "Yuck!". I took those statements as bad signs. He felt sure I had strep, but did a dip stick test to be sure. The test was negative, but he said that there is a new strain of strep that doesn't show up on the quick tests, so he took another swab and sent it off to the lab (those results will be back on Wednesday).

He asked me if I had ever had Mono. I said no.  He asked me if I was tired.  I laughed.  I told him I was the mother of 18 month old twins and that I am never not tired.  He suspects that if the strep test comes back as negative, I may have mono.  Fun, right?

Blah.

In other news...

As a result of being so incredibly sick and tired, I spent a good portion of the day yesterday asleep and only woke when J. needed help with Chick and Pea.  J. spent the day trying to keep the twins happy and active.  He has always had a good idea of what it's like for me when I'm alone with them, but yesterday was a great reminder for him.  This was what the basement looked like when I went down to grab something from the pantry:

Oh well. At least the twins were happy and J. didn't lose his mind.

When J. finally had enough and needed my help, the twins woke me up. They decided to snuggle in the bed with me and said, "Nigh' Nigh'".  So sweet.

One Bad Day

It's amazing what one bad day can do to one's psyche.  I can have many, many consistently great days, but one crappy day really puts a dent in my confidence and perspective.  Why is that?

On that bad day, negative thoughts race through my head at warp speed:

The twins deserve a better mother.
J. deserves a better wife.
My friends deserve a better friend.
My family deserves a better daughter, sister, granddaughter.
I am incapable.

Thankfully, I am able to have enough perspective (not a lot) on these days to know I likely need a break, that I'm tired, that I'm depleted and my reserves are low.  I also know that I am not alone.  I know that everyone feels this way sometimes.

That tomorrow will be better.

And, it is.

March 3, 2010 - One year ago today.

 

Seriously?

• Remember this post in which I discussed how our house is falling apart many things around here need replacing/fixing?  Well, on Friday at precisely 5:02pm, our furnace made a sad little sound, chugged along until Sunday morning, then finally succumbed to it's death.  So, first the hot water tank, then the faucet, then the microwave, then the plasma, then our vacuum and now the furnace.  If the shingles give way, we'll just consider our house a convertible and go on with our lives.

• We are without heat and while it's been okay yesterday and this morning, tonight it's supposed to go down to -21C or -6F.  We have a gas fireplace that has been doing a great job keeping us warm on the main level, but the upper level is still quite chilly.  We have some companies coming by this afternoon to give us quotes on a new furnace.  Hope we can get one installed as early as tomorrow!

• Something tore apart and killed our yard bunny on the weekend. We woke up to pieces of it everywhere.  Poor little thing.  J. had the fun task of picking up the pieces and discarding it. It's sad that we won't see its little paw prints in the snow any longer.

• J. cut his finger on his only day off in 8 days yesterday and spent some time getting stitched up at the hospital.  Poor guy. Isn't it pretty, though?  I am going to try to convince him to let me take out the stitches in 10 days.  I've already done some research online, so it's like I'm an expert.

• In his defense, he hasn't hurt himself (badly) in a long while.  I used to be so accustomed to him coming in from the garage, the basement, or the yard holding a bloody cloth that it rarely fazed me.  Last night took me a bit by surprise.

•  Would it be inappropriate to put the twins to sleep in their snowsuits tonight?

• A technician just left with our furnace motor.  He said that he may have an extra one that he uses to teach his interns.  If he does, he will install it for us so that we can get through the night with heat until he can install a new furnace for us tomorrow.  Let's hope he's got one!

• Tonight's dinner is homemade soup and tomato and provolone spirals.  At least our tummies will be warm!

• Oh...it's Valentine's Day.  We don't really celebrate it, but Happy V-Day to everyone out there.  We'll join the love-fest in March on St. Patty's Day. Now THAT is our kind of happiness.