My Truth

The truth is: I am the hero of my life. I heard someone talking of this the other day and the notion of it literally stopped me dead in my tracks. I leaned in. Wondered. And then, clarity.

I am, and always have been, fiercely independent, fiercely loyal to my values and undeniably solid in my opinions. What I neglected to realize was that I have always been my own hero. Although I seek advice from friends and family, when it comes right down to the tough stuff, I am the One who pulls the trigger. Thinking back on all of the decisions that I have made, all of the difficulties that have arisen, and all of the days and nights spent wondering if I could take another step forward I have come to understand the leap of faith consistently begins and ends with me.

Realizing this does not preclude interdependence. In fact, the mere notion that I am my own hero stems from opening myself up to the ideas (and ideals) of my cohorts in this life's journey. I am only myself because I choose to be in relationship with others. I choose to learn from others, feel acceptance from others, and be vulnerable with others. From this interdependence, I cut a clearing for my own path.

My path.

I am my own hero.

Woman of G*od?

What a difference a classroom makes. Decorated walls, a door that closes, a chalkboard on which to write and brainstorm for discussions, and students seated at desks (with a seating plan of my choosing) makes for a wholly peaceful teaching experience. From the time I arrive in the morning until the last student walks out the door in the afternoon, I have a scented candle burning at the front of the class. Bliss.

Today, as I dismissed my university/college religion class, one of my students walked up to me, took my hand in hers and said, "I just wanted to tell you that I think that you are an inspiring woman of G*od and you are doing a great job." What? Who? Where? Huh? Me? I was taken aback. I have been called a lot of things in my day, but this takes the cake. Is this because parent/teacher interviews are tomorrow night? I'll take what I can get, as the class that immediately followed hers, gave me a run for my money and I had to boot one of them for refusal to do the work I assigned. Ahhhh, the concept of duality. Ever present.

My sweet husband did something really nice for me today. My portable was not hooked up to the main building's PA System and so I was not able to hear any of the office announcements that were made yesterday. One of the announcements was to inform staff and students that today would be a dress down day and that students could leave their uniforms at home in exchange for comfy clothes...teachers could do so as well. Since I did not hear the announcement, I came to work dressed in heels and a skirt (my feet were already sore at 7:45 a.m.). K2 saw my sad face and drove all the way home to get a few pairs of jeans (he wasn't sure which I would like to wear), some socks and my most comfy pair of Doc Mar*tens. How sweet is that? I rewarded him tonight by stopping at the Lickbo Supastow to buy him his favorite beer (Newcastle Brown Ale). He was a happy boy with his pizza and beer dinner.

Today=Good Day.

It Ends Tomorrow *Update*

30 days
210 hours
12600 minutes
756000 seconds

It's over as of today. Any guesses?

Lisa, Janet and Michelle each guessed it correctly! After 30 school days teaching my classes (my challenging and easily distracted classes) out of the school library, my portable is FINALLY mold-free and ready for our entry TOMORROW! I cannot believe that I will actually have a desk, that my students will have desks, that I will have a chalkboard, WINDOWS, and...
AND....
I will have a door!!!! A door that I can CLOSE!!!
Small pleasures.

Michelle, I have a pair of pants here as a prize...

Even Though and Because

Even though...

• I stand a full seven inches taller than you
• We have vastly different perspectives on faith
• I didn't inherit your cooking skills
• I don't get on my hands and knees to wash the garage floor
• I do things that scare you to death (i.e., kayak, bungee jump, climb high ropes courses, etc.)
  

You love me.

Because...

• You always held my forehead when I was sick (when Dad couldn't stomach it)
• You celebrated my passage into womanhood by baking a cake
• You love K2 as much as you love me (if not more)
• You were always at the gate, with arms outstretched, to welcome me home from school
• You taught me to be the strong woman I am today

I love you.

Self Portrait

• It's out of control...really.
• I have decided that I am not a nice person.
• I have also decided that my temper is quite spectacular.
• I blame it on my Irish heritage.
• And on my whacked out hormones.
• Candy isn't cutting it.
• I'm as shocked as you are.
  

I hope this passes soon. I'm running out of strategies to cope with the crankiness. I count to ten a lot, I use positive visualization a lot, and I have eaten my fair share of whipped cream straight out of the container. What else is a girl supposed to do? I'm not a huge fan of chocolate, so I'm hesitant to go there, but I will try anything to get the serotonin flowing again.
Suggestions??

Ducky

I received a cute little package in the mail yesterday and wanted to give a shout-out to iCon for the sweet reminder to take care of my chestical area. Sadly, I fear they would have to invent a whole new machine to check me out as there is so little there to work with. I mean, is it really worth taking off the bandaids to find out that there's not enough to squish?
All kidding aside, it is something I take very seriously and I am proud to say that I am a monthly examiner. I will have to wait a few more years for the big test, but until that time, I will be faithfully checking for any changes.

iCon's message reads:

In honor of breast cancer awareness, Mama Duck says:
"Attend to your mams,
get your exams.

Keep an eye on those jugs,
so you'll have many years of
hugs.

Take care of your girls,
I consider my friends precious
pearls."

Quack :o)

Thanks so much, iCon!!! You are truly very sweet to all of your pearl girls!

And Now It's October

• I have been teaching high school for one month
• I am still teaching out of the library because my portable is still being de-spored
• It is not normal to teach out of a library where students, teachers, librarians, and custodians tend to gather for chit chat and other distracting behavior
• I am starting to get used to the work load
• I have had four good days in a row
• My students are starting to get used to me
• I was sick last week and two out of my three classes indicated that they missed me
• One of my grade 12 boys said, "Thank God you're back" *insert warming of the heart*
• I was standing outside for bus duty last Thursday morning, when out from a car, an old student of mine from years ago, emerged - he had switched schools and is now attending mine - he walked over to me, enveloped me in a giant hug and said that he wanted to switch into my class - sweet.
  
• My tummy was good for a while, but yesterday and today, it gave me grief. Wish I knew what was going on. I took an antispasmodic called Bus*copan when I got home tonight...it seems to be helping.
• Adoption is hard.
• I miss what we don't have and what has been elusive for seven years.
• Our friends over at 3Ds sent us a package in the mail...we heart them.

• I learned how to make a watermark to protect our photos online. I heart ph0t0sh0p!
• My best friend sent me this picture of her daughter two days ago and it makes me smile.