Multiples and More: Question of the Week

For the very first time, I am going to partake in this week's QOTW from the Multiples and More site.
This week's question:

• Is it appropriate to scold other people's children? If yes in what circumstances? If no, why not?

• How do you teach your children to deal with bullies?

 "Scolding" is a term with which I have a difficult time.  "Teaching" is an easier word for me.  Is it appropriate to "teach" children lessons?  Of course.  Does it matter that they are the children of others.  No.  I am a firm believer in the "It takes a village" mentality.  If my son or daughter behave inappropriately and I do not see it, I would hope that another kindhearted person would see an opportunity to teach them what is right and what is wrong.  By "right" and "wrong" I guess I'm speaking about universal "rights" and "wrongs"(especially those that have to do with safety):

• running into the street without looking for traffic
• bullying someone on the playground
• taking someone's toy away from them
• teasing someone
• stealing something

You get the idea.  Yes, I realize that every parent has their own idea(l)s about how children should behave, but I'm talking about specific things that put children at risk or which could put them at risk in the future.  Depending of the severity of the action, I would most times expect that whomever has redirected my child(ren) to tell me what was said so that I can speak with my children about it later.  Even if I don't agree with how the adult has redirected my children, it will provide an opportunity for me to discuss why the adult felt it necessary to do so.  I wonder if my teaching background has anything to do with my feelings on this.  I mean, parents essentially have trusted me for 13+ years to provide direction in their absence and I've never taken it lightly.  Not every parent has agreed with the way I have handled a particular situation and, to be quite honest, I have not handled all situations with the grace and gentleness I could have. 

Even outside of teaching, I have never held back (heh...people who really know me will know what not holding back essentially means) from redirecting or teaching someone when the opportunity arises. 

Last year, I was in our local pharmacy/drug mart when I saw a boy (about ten or eleven years of age) knock a bunch of things off of a shelf.  I saw that his mother was in the cash register aisle and when my eyes scanned back to the boy, he was about to walk away leaving the mess on the floor.  I stopped dead in my tracks and stared at him without an expression.  I wasn't scowling, but I wasn't friendly either.  In that moment, he stared back at me for maybe 5 seconds before slowly crouching down to pick up the items he knocked onto the floor.  Only when it was all back on the shelf did I avert my gaze and continue walking.  A gentle, but firm redirection. 

Additionally, I don't discriminate between adults and children.  In fact, what prompted me to answer this week's question was an experience I had this afternoon.  I was driving through town in the rain when a sports car cut me off and made me slam on my brakes, causing me to skid on the wet pavement.  Luckily the babies were home with J., but still.  I pulled into the parking lot of the shop I was heading toward and lo and behold the car that sped and cut me off, cut me off again in the parking lot.  I followed him to where he was parking and he pulled into a "Expectant Parents and Parents With Small Children" spot.  I parked and got out of my car and when I passed him (he was getting a stroller out of his trunk and his partner was getting the baby out of the backseat) I said,
"I can't believe you drive like that with a baby in the car!"
He quickly told me to "Eff Off" (using the full words)
I said, "Nice!"
His partner yelled, "Mind your own effing business!"
To which I turned and stated, "When children are involved, it's EVERYONE'S business."
The woman yelled more things to me, but I walked into the store and didn't listen. 

I rarely keep quiet when the safety of children is at stake.

The answer to the second question may seem contradictory after reading my thoughts on the above, but I don't strive to make sense.


How do you teach your children to deal with bullies?

My children will both be taught how to fight.  Yes, I said it.  I have seen a TON of bullying as a teacher and I know that schools do NOTHING to protect the victims.  Even the so-called "zero tolerance" school boards...pfffft!  School boards protect and fall all over themselves for the parents who are bullies, so I will definitely not expect the school to handle any bullying situation in which my child is the so-called victim. Chick and Pea will know how to protect themselves and we will fully support them when they get suspended from school for fighting with a bully.  Of course, we will ensure that they only use physical force if they have no other alternative, but nothing stops a bully faster than being stood up to.  I should know...I was one in high school.  In fact, my parents (remember that my father is a retired school principal) had to be called into a meeting with my principal because I (ahem) "didn't know the difference between being assertive and aggressive" when it came to my teachers.  Apparently, I was intimidating to some.  My parents read the blog, so they can attest to this fact as can Tanya since we went to the same high school. 

I've come a long way, but I still have some of that fire in me (okay, a lot of that fire, but I do harness it well) and will surely pass it on to Chick and Pea.  The goal will be to teach them to harness it to use it in the appropriate circumstances.