Introverts Withdraw!

A couple of years ago, Tanya liberated me and I will forever be grateful. You see, so much of my adulthood had been steeped in confusion about why social events made me so tired, why being around people I loved and cared about drained me at times, and why I felt the need to have so much "down time". Tanya lifted me out of this confusion and lit the way to an explanation that has been so freeing and now that the light has been cast, I am able to walk in confidence.

I am an introvert. I represent 25% of the population. We are a misunderstood people.

No, I am not shy. In fact, I am an articulate, introspective and assertive woman who never backs away from conflict. I think inwardly, not outwardly. In meetings and in some social situations, it may appear as though I am glazing over or not paying attention. This is far from accurate.

There is a hell - to be alone. And a heaven - to be able to be it.
- Paul Bjerre

Introverts process information differently than extroverts and, as such, instead of discussing our thoughts, we develop an internal log of self-talk. Sometimes, this self-talk or inward processing is viewed as inattention or complacency.

No, I am not a hermit. While extroverts seem to come alive around other people and be energized by the presence of many, we introverts become drained in social situations. It isn't that we dislike being around people, it is merely that we re-energize by being alone. It's the whole "I'm okay, you're okay...in small doses" mentality. This explains my hatred for the telephone - it is an invasion into my alone time. I used to worry that my need to be alone was a symptom of some underlying social anxiety, but research to the contrary has educated me. Introverts require massive amounts of time alone. We relish it, crave it and need it to function wholly in society.

No, I am not sad or angry. Introverts tend not to wear their feelings on their faces. Since my teenage years, countless people have asked me if I am angry, in a bad mood and one principal even took me into her office to ask why I seemed so sad. Introverts can be difficult to read. Inside, we may feel perfectly content, enjoying our day and happy to be alive. Our outside expression may not reflect this. It's okay. I read just this past weekend that "extroverts are like lighthouses, casting lights outside of themselves and introverts tend to glow from within". K2 (my resident extrovert) is often described as warm, easy-going, light hearted, and fun (he is all of these things outwardly). I am often described as guarded, hard to read, serious, and exclusive. Such negative terms. I understand why people are frustrated by their inability to figure me out, but my orientation is not outward, it is inward.

No, I am not socially inept. Introverts dislike small talk and find it difficult to carry on conversations with little meaning. If we have to talk, we want it to mean something, to have some benefit to our day and to make it a worthwhile energy expending experience. Talking, for introverts, is rarely off the cuff. We rehearse, choose our words carefully, think critically about which thoughts to share and doing all of this just to shoot the breeze about the weather is exhausting. Give us substance.

We can be friends! Some of the most important people in my life are extroverts. K2, my nephew G., my wonderful friend Catherine, and even my new office mate. Akin to my ability to recognize the strengths of their personalities, each of them respects mine.

Go on! Hug an introvert today! On second thought, introverts like their personal space, so send them an email instead.