Barometers

Is he sleeping through the night?  My son was sleeping through the night in utero.


How many teeth does she have? My daughter skipped her primary teeth altogether and went straight to adult teeth. No need for that bothersome toothfairy business.


Is he crawling yet? My son was scouted by the national baby-crawlers association and given a scholarship to the Institute For Baby-Crawlers when he was two days old.


When did she start walking? I woke up one morning and my 6 month old had walked down the stairs and was making me breakfast!  I guess those Baby Einstein Videos really worked for us.

How many words does he say? My son knows three languages - in his sleep. 

Is she potty trained?  My daughter was leafing through a home depot catalogue, pointed out a bidet and told us that she would no longer need diapers if we installed a bidet in her bathroom.  Since then, she has been accident free.  How old was she, you ask?  Oh, I don't remember, exactly, but I do know it was before her first birthday.


What did he get on his report card?  My son got all As and his report card was made out of platinum.  


Did she make the team? 
Is he on the Honour Roll? 
Did she get her license on the first try? 
What university has he been accepted to? 
Does he have a job? 

STOP IT!
STOP IT RIGHT NOW!

Stop the comparing.
Stop the gauging.
Stop the one-upping.
Stop the lying.

How about a different kind of one-upmanship?

My kid sticks his finger so far up his nose, he bleeds!

Oh yeah?  Well, my kid likes to do abstract painting with his poop!

Really?  Well, my kid can sit and play with his belly button for hours!

Pffft.  My kid licks the bottom of strangers' shoes!

So?  My kid likes to put a paper bag over his head and slam into walls over and over again.

Puh-lease.  My kid likes to play bathtime with his toys in the toilet.

Or, how about new questions:


How dirty is your kitchen floor?  
Mine has so many sticky spots, I've named them all!

Pffft.  That's nothing.  My floor is so dirty, all my sticky spots have so much sock lint on them that it looks like my floor is covered in mini-toupees!

How dirty is your master bathroom?
I'm scared to go into my master bathroom.
Yeah. Me too.  Let's not talk about it.
Okay.
I need a hug.

The barometer for successful parenting is not in the social constructs of what is deemed "normal".  It is, instead, found in the sound of your child's laughter, in the pride they feel in their accomplishments (no matter how seemingly insignificant), and in recognizing that we are all doing our best with what we know and tomorrow is always another opportunity to do better.