Infant Loss and Miscarriage Remembrance Day

"How did you spend your weekend?" She asked, sidling up to her colleague in the quiet halls of a school set to explode with a thousand students.

"The beautiful weather made it almost impossible to stay indoors, so we spent a lot of time outside hiking in some of the conservation areas just outside of town." She replied, eyes focused on the pattern on the tiles running up the stairs as they walked in unison now.

"You single couples. Man, what I wouldn't give to have an ounce of the freedom you have without kids. You can sleep all you want, have all the free time you want and never have to worry about a babysitter."

She felt the electricity of her heart, the nerves sending impulses of grief, self-loathing, and humiliation through her entire being.

Picture-flashes of:

baby naming books

fertility charts

syringes

drugs

early morning drives for monitoring

the stress of making it back to work on time so no one would ask questions

ultrasounds by medics with cold hands

standing in line at the pharmacy buying tampons while the teenager ahead buys a carton of cigarettes

and stuffs them into the back of a stroller

explaining health history to a doctor seen for the third opinion

invasive paperwork and home study interviews

a savings account for an education fund gone to pay for services for infertility and subsequent adoption fees

a referral sometime in 2011

finally seeing a positive pregnancy test

twins

contractions and blood

loss

numbness

another pregnancy

elation

contractions and blood, so much blood

hoisting hips into the air to make it easier for the doctor to pull out fetal tissue

another heartbreaking loss


"Yes, life is good," she strained, as she ducked into her classroom just in time for the first tear to fall.

Never assume.

Tomorrow is Infant Loss and Miscarriage Remembrance Day. If you know someone who has suffered a loss, give them a hug.