The only courage that matters is the kind that gets you from one moment to the next.I refused to think about them on my due date last month and I think I paid for that mistake this week.
~Mignon McLaughlin~
I have wondered why I have felt more connected to the twin pregnancy than the loss we had in May and I have come to the conclusion that my connection is a result of the cardiac activity. In May, there was no beating heart and I guess that knowledge comforted me enough to detach more than I could with the other loss. I didn't feel as responsible for the loss in May as I did for the loss in December. I know this may not make much sense. I mean, my head knows that the embryos were likely not viable from the beginning and nothing I could have done would have prevented the loss. My heart tells a different story. Their hearts haunt me.
I know exactly what you mean. Tomorrow would've been our daughter's 3rd birthday if I hadn't miscarried. It doesn't matter if the embryos were viable or not. They are your children and you saw their little hearts beat. I still cry for our lost child and it'll be four years in January.
ReplyDeleteBig hugs to you and K2.
Thinking of you...
ReplyDelete{{Sending you hugs}}
ReplyDeleteGlad you are feeling better. Infant loss is the worst pain in the world. My thoughts.
ReplyDeleteI resonate with those feelings of guilt, even though I know it's not logical. I feel like I've failed my babies in some way, that I should've been able to hold onto them and carry them--no matter how many times I tell myself there was no way I could know, nothing I could've done.
ReplyDelete((hugs))
hugs and more hugs...
ReplyDeleteThey are your feelings and don't ever worry if they make sense to anyone else but you.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry for your loss.
Thinking about you...LOTS!
Sending you lots of healing thoughts and BIG hugs.
ReplyDeleteI really can't even fathom what that pain might feel like...but my heart hurts for yours. That's all I know to say.
ReplyDeleteWords escape me friend. Holding you tight in my heart and wrapping my arms tightly around you. Not letting go.....
ReplyDeleteWhat you experienced is something that many could not survive and move forward. I am in awe of you. You are amazing (even though sometimes you may not feel it).
ReplyDeleteYour feelings, your life, your rules.
Hugs and love.
Keep smilin!