We have read every single comment, have cried for your own losses and have gained so much strength from this community. Your love is deeply felt and it is wholly appreciated.Grief knits two hearts in closer bonds than happiness ever can; and common sufferings are far stronger links than common joys.
~Alphonse de Lamartine~
We are getting there. Hard moments are always looming, but for the most part, we have settled into a nice, numb existence. I almost wish that the blood and cramps were still a part of my every moment so that I could say that I was feeling something. Anything.
Okay, so that's not true. I am angry. Thankfully, this anger is not typically directed at anyone I love or care about, but it is simmering in my little Irish (red) head and I am aware of it. That's step one, right? I know that anger masks fear and frustration. Step two. See? Getting there.
I am glad that there are only two more weeks of 2007. This year is one to which I will gladly say goodbye and the new year can't come fast enough. In this year, we lost three souls in our household. Our sweet Chee*tah who died after a difficult battle in February and our two babies who died last week. Okay, I can't write about that right now. There are tears. I just spent the last minute or so staring up at the ceiling so that my tears wouldn't fall. Do any of you ever do that? Oh, the strategies we develop...
K! and K2
ReplyDeleteI have read and studied each comment posted on your blog in the last couple of days. Your blog friends never cease to amaze me. I was astonished to see the love and support sent your way. It is clear that with friends like you have you will never have to walk alone. As part of your extended family I also want to thank them as your hurt, in a small way, is also my hurt.
Love
Dad
I did that same thing yesterday when I was trying not to cry at Starbucks! It didn't work. I know it will be a long time before you feel better, but I hope each day that goes by eases your pain just a little bit.
ReplyDeleteI wish I had words for you...
ReplyDeleteI wish I could do something for you...
I wish I could ease the pain - just a bit...
I wish I could make it better...
K1, I am so glad to see another post from you. You have been on my mind so much these past few days.
ReplyDeletePlease, don't stop your tears from falling. The first few weeks after Laura died I thought our tears were never going to stop falling. A friend of mine told me that to deny my tears was like denying my grief. A loss like this deserves grief and you need to let it out, not suppress it.
I have not experienced a loss like yours, but I have experienced a great loss. When you are in the midst of your grief, it feels like it is never going to be better, but it will. It will not ever go away, but you will find ways to deal with it, I promise.
Hugs to you and K2...
I also wanted to mention what a wonderful dad I think you have :-)
ReplyDelete((((hugs))))
ReplyDeletek
P.S. Your dad is so sweet!
One of these days I'd love to meet your dad.
ReplyDeleteStill sending you hugs! Keep the tears flowing....it's healing.
ReplyDeleteHugs to you, my friend.
ReplyDeleteI do that too, looking up, doesn't really work.
ReplyDeleteYou have all the rights to be angry. Hope 2007 goes by quick for you and that 2008 will spare you and gives you hope again.
Your Dad has always such sweet comments, he sounds amazing.
Oh, my sweet friend. I am happy that you are healing, even if you are angry. Be angry. Be hurt. Do what you need to. I care so much how you are doing. I will continue to pray for you and think of you. All my heart to you,
ReplyDeleteJanet
K1 I'm also glad to see you post again. You mean a lot to me and I have been thinking about you.
ReplyDeleteHolding you close. Wiping your tears. Loving you, supporting you. Feel whatever you need to. So many emotions we need to express at difficult times. Know that it's healthy and ok to be angry. Go ahead friends...vent away!
ReplyDeleteLoving you always. xoxo
I found myself crying every time I tried to write about losing my babies on my blog. It was one of the few moments in my day when I allowed myself to let go and just lose it for a little while.
ReplyDeleteIt is hard when the cramping and everything is gone and you aren't pregnant anymore and it's hard to believe that you ever were...sometimes I'm afraid that I'll forget about all of it.
But then I think about my first loss over 2 years ago and I know that I won't.
Sigh. I'm with you on being ready for a new year, hugs.
Yes. Lets say Good-Bye to 2007. I'm with you.
ReplyDeleteXO
This too will be part of the story you tell. I am sorry that it had to happen this way. Maybe chalking it up to a cruddy year will help. Hang in there darlin!
ReplyDeleteJust know I think of you each day...
ReplyDeleteHopefully 2008 will be a year of hope and new beginnings.
Hugs.
yes........I am doing it right now
ReplyDeleteafter reading what your dad wrote.
just keep talking
we're here listening
Release. Vent. You are supported by many. Loved by many.
ReplyDeleteI bite my cheek and blink a lot.
Love. Hugs. Wine. Time. What is needed.
Here for you.
Let 'em fall. Merry Christmas and ADIOS 2007!!!! May 2008 bring much, MUCH better things and brighter days for us all!
ReplyDeleteP.S. I love your dad. With a dad like that, you we certainly NEVER, EVER walk alone!
ReplyDeleteI bite ths inside of my cheek......really, really hard!
ReplyDeleteI have been thinking of you both....hoping that there will be some way to enjoy your Christmas morning together.
The New Year is just around the corner....hang in there my friend.....just know that you are loved by many that you don't even know except through these blogs. ;)
Sending hugs and good wishes you way....
S*
K1, continue to talk about it and vent. You have already passed the first stage of grief; denial and isolation just by posting about it and talking with us. As you say you are now " angry", you have entered the second stage of grief.
ReplyDeleteGrief is a process, we all go through the same stages, but there is no set time one spends in each stage...so you take the time you need...we will be here to listen and support.
*Hugs*
There are still no words, I'm sorry.
ReplyDeleteI hope the New Year helps ease the pain , not forget. I hope it brings new joys, renewed hopes, lots of love, health and dreams.
May your Husband, family and friends continue to be good support system, never be afraid to lean on them.
Hugs.
I've been thinking about you both all week. I wish I could make things better for both of you. You have every right to be angry. It's just not fair.
ReplyDelete((HUGS))
Just wanted to say again how much I adore you. (and I agree with everyone else about your dad...WOW. what a blessing.)
ReplyDeleteNow, here's to 2008...lots of love...No more loss. Sound good?
There was this time when the tears would never come, for so long. And I'd sit in my bed and have staring contests with the wall. I'd win, hands down, each time. It saddens me to remember that person- a person so broken she couldn't move.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad the tears are coming, even if you haven't let them fall, or fight to keep them tucked away.
I just wish I could be there to wipe them when they at last make their way down your face...
I am holding you so close in my heart. Everyday. Everyday.